I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
