So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
