I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
