i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
