Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
