My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
