I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
