The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you had me at cake vodka
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
