Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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