just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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