Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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