i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Your cock deserves a montage
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
