So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
