God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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