There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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