so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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