69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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