Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
