i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
