just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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