he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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