he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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