Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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