The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
