I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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