dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
