Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
