my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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