Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
