pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize