Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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