Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
