Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
my poor anus
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
