accomplished twins. life is a go
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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