Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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