I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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