i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
