Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
