i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
