How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
