i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
