sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
