So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
