Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
