Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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