So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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