My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
