Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
