Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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