Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
