JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
