And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
