The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
lets start a swedish sibling band together
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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