Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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