K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Too much gin, very little bucket
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
