Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
