If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
