idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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