nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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