I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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