So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
