she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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