I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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