Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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