you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
