he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
