Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
