hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
