How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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