You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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