I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
