I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
