All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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